The HHH Hitmen

Race:  Chaos
Coach:  Nik
The HHH Hitmen have had an inglorious history since the entered the Southern Valley Bloodbowl League in 2007.

Hardcore Harry's Horny Hitmen have failed in almost every game played, racking up 11 loses from 13 games at the beginning of the 2009 Bloodbowl tournament. Their history only includes 2 wins and no draws with their losing streak currently pushing out to 9. Having already secured the longest losing streak in the SVBBL's history they look a possibility of being the first to hit 10 - a record that is likely to stand a considerable time.

The HHH Hitmen team badge
Bulletin board from the coach
Oct. 10th, 2009 - old news
New Management Decimates Hitmen
The end of the SVBBL's '09 Bloodbowl tourney saw the hostile takeover of the The HHH Hitmen by a new management regime that made the Storm Of Chaos look like two toddlers fighting over a soft toy.

Even before the takeover the new order was setting up some innovative motivational techniques. It can now be revealed that the resent bounties taken out on a number of the Hitmen have in fact been put on by the new owners, not as an attempt to get other teams to snuff them out but to put the Hitmen's emerging stars under some additional pressure to coax the best possible performances out of them.

To say the Hitmen's playing roster has been decimated under the new management would be an understatement. Decimation implies culling 1 in 10, the Hitmen have been culled by 25%!

Since the takeover several of the Hitmen's senior players have been sacked including two of the Hitmen's founding beastmen, Tur and Ibex. Proving that no-one was safe from getting the axe, founding player and team captain Hardcore Harry was also removed from the team. Since his sacking Harry has been unable to be located for comment and although it is possible he has returned to the Chaos Wastes it's also just as likely the axe in this case was not just metaphorical.

The old player roster isn't the only thing to be cut by a quarter. Claiming it an unnecessary expense the new management cut the Hitmen's re-rolls from four to three.

With all these sackings, bounties on their own players and loss of re-rolls it should come as no surprise that the Hitmen's name is also slated for the chopping bloke. Although still unconfirmed it is believed that one name under consideration is the Capra Corsairs.

These wholesale changes have not gone unnoticed by League management. A reliable source within the SVBBL's governing body has stated that it is not beyond the realms of possibility that the Hitmen, or whatever they shale be called in the near future, be relegated to the minor league for the inaugural Assassins' Cowl tourney to be held over the '90/'10 season.
- Nik
July 11th, 2009 - old news
Angels hit Hitmen into the record books
Anarchist Angels vs The HHH Hitmen
Played on 10/07/2009 and Anarchist stadium.

A Chaos vs Chaos match is always going to be a physical affair. Add to this mix the leagueís top casualty inflictor, with two other of his team-mates being in the top five, some bravado from the underdogs who have some players many have touted as future stars and a coach with almost more cards up his sleave than players on the field and you get the makings of what on paper could be a corker of a contest.

What occurred was indeed one of the most memorable games in the Southern Valley Blood bowl Leagueís history. A contest it was not.

The Angels won the toss and chose to kick. Not an unusual tactic from a strength team but perhaps a little risky against another strength team and from the second the ball hit the ground it appeared the Angelís gamble was a poor one. The Hitmenís front line smashed forward, sending all of the Angelís front three defenders into the casualty bin for the rest of the match. A targeted blitz left a forth Angel stunned. Defensive positions were taken up and the Markhor, the Hitmenís specialist ball handler, moved in to clear the ball. After the brilliant start by the Hitmenís hitters that action started a rot that would last the remainder of the match. Markhor fumbled his initial pickup attempt and was visibly seen to knock the ball on as he tried to regather.

The Angelís ran up to put pressure on the Hitmen and it worked. The next few minutes saw mistake after mistake from the Hitmen. On regathering the ball Markhor then proceeded to drop it at his feet attempting the easiest of passes. Ibex found himself being carted off the field after falling going for it only to find himself joined by his extra armed team-mate Saanen seconds later attempting a near identical move.

With player numbers on the pitch swinging back into balance the skill and shear physical dominance of the Angels started to show. In an attempt to shift the odds in his teamís favour Tur put the boot into Angelís #8, Leonard. The substitute ref, spotting the indiscretion, started to give Tur his marching orders only to think better of it recalling what the crowd had done to his predecessor. The Angels took this as a cue and decided to return the favour, first stunning one of the Hitmenís beastmen while the ref was looking elsewhere and then seriously injuring Black Angus, the Hitmenís highly professional Minotaur, although the Hitmenís cadre of full time and hired medical staff soon had the big guy fighting fit and ready to get back on the pitch.

At half time the Angels had scored once, thanks to Markorís appalling ball handling skills, showing he still has a long way to go before he can even dream of taking up Clisthertís mantel, and 12 players were off the pitch, 8 of whom were sitting in the casualty bin.

Now out numbered as well as out classed the second half became a very sorry affair for the Hitmen. It could well have been far worse should Choronzon not taken pity on his Chaos brethren and put on kid gloves for all of the second half, something he was heavily disciplined for after the game by all accounts.

Others were not so generous. Warrior after Hitman warrior fell to the claws, horns, massive strength and might blows that the Angels players rained down on their hapless opponents. Geryon had tossed Bub into the casualty bin in the first half and decided that Bubís offsider, Billy. needed to join him. Being less subtle this time he sent the warrior off the pitch sans his head.

With not much of the second half gone the Hitmen were reduced to four then three players on the pitch, with the loss on the fan the Hitmenís coach onto the pitch in a vain attempt to hold the line. With almost no opposition Clisthert started passing practice. Markor ever keen to contest the ball, even with the entire crowd and most of the Angelís players begging him to run away lest he get killed, was eventually sent hurt off the pitch by Geryon.

With the result a forgone conclusion and little sport or excitement left in watching the Angels half heartedly chase the last three Hitmen around the pitch some of the crowd started to leave. Oddly enough those that remained were in for a rare treat. With the ball unattended in the back of the Hitmenís half Geryon charged down the pitch like a freight train, hooked the ball onto one horn in a single fluid movement and stormed in for his first ever touch down. If this wasnít big enough miracle by itself he then flung Billyís head, which he had previously hooked into his pants, back to the Hitmenís healers, who amazingly reattached it with a few deft stiches and the libel use of a magic sponge.

With both teams setting up for the final drive as the whistle was sounding the Hitmen couldnít even gather up enough team pride to lay on one more casualty, only being able to manage push a couple of Angels around.

Final score 3-0 to the Angles, 9-4 on casualties. Anarchist Angels - HHH Hitmen (Bloodbowl I, round 8)

The combined 13 casualties scored this match is a new SVBBL record for the most casualties scored in a game.
- Nik
Mar. 7th, 2009 - old news
Complacency Costs Hitmen a Draw
This week saw a hard fought tactical game with the Red Dragons up 1-0 at half time against the HHH Hitmen. The Hitmen were unlucky not to have scored after tripping over their own feet two turns in a row while going for it (1 reroll 1, next turn; 1 reroll: 2, second go-for-it 1!).

Second half saw the Hitmen almost scoring in the 4th turn, leaving enough time to possibly go for a win, only to be disrupted by the Dragons, and ended up delaying for one turn to score in their final play. After working so hard for the draw against a vastly superior team, a team who crushed the Hitmen 5-0 and 4-2 on casualties in their last encounter, the Hitmen took their eye of the ball, foot of the throttle, and showed The Dragons utter disrespect by gathering, clumped, down by their own touchdown line and putting forward only a token defence on the line of scrimmage. With only barely enough time to receive the kickoff the Dragons engaged in a melee the resulted in Bene Catchani popping out of the mass of bodies, with the ball, several yards on the Hitmen's side of halfway, just close enough for him to run down the sideline unopposed and giving the Dragons a 2-1 victory.

This loss brings the Hitmen's losing streak up to eight. With their next two game against the Leaping Lizards and the Dark Deadly Domis, both of which have unbeaten records against the Hitmen, this could possibly push their losing streak out to double figures. Even at this stage the Hitmen might be in the position of owning the only record no-one wants - that of most consecutive losses.

That said, on paper the Hitmen seem to be developing nicely, despite the death of their nimble Beastman Oberhasli in early stages of their most resent game against the Dragons. Markhor has the makings of possibly the best Beastman thrower in the League. Rove and Black Bengal both have potential to be killing machines. The Hitmen do suffer a lack of skilled blockers in the ranks of their Chaos Warriors. Within those ranks and in those of the Beastmen used in support of that roll there is a unhealthy number of players carrying niggling injuries and injures to their hips and ankles. Honestly I suspect it may take another season before we see the Hitmen having any sort of long term success.

That's all for this week's match analysis. Look forward to more in-depth commentary next week.
- Nik
Tournaments played:
SV Shield, Dungeon Bowl I, GTL, Chaos Cup I, Bloodbowl I, Spike Trophy II
Trophies won:
Fair play award: Dungeon Bowl I


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