You don't know

Race:  Nurgle
Coach:  Carbrawn

You don't know team badge
Bulletin board from the coach
June 24th, 2018
Wood not hurt
The skies opened at the start of the match and rain poured down. While this didnít bother the Wood Elves who include in their roster a Thrower with AG6, it had a devastating effect on the Nurgle team whoís putrescence turned their punches into the equivalent of weakly thrown sponges.

While You Donít Know were still setting themselves up to receive the ball and get an early 2D hit on the Treeman Towering Gum, the Tree Hugging Hippies got a Blitz, ran 7 Elves around the LOS and put Petal under the ball which he caught despite the rain and TZs and Disturbing Presence. The hit on Towering Gum was dropped to 1D but was successful anyway and some tactical blocking and a lucky POW put the Wardancer down, leaving Oltrayds free to pick up the ball and GFI into a cage where he tripped, injured himself and failed to regenerate, taking away Nurgles only reliable player for ball pickup in the rain. Towering Gum easily got to his feet and with some assistance the ST4 Wardancer Thorns would be able to Blitz a gap in the cage to free up the ball, so Petal stood up and ran around to remove a marker, failing his first GFI attempt but recovering with Sure Feet only to fail the second GFI with a reroll. You Donít Know recovered the ball with Lantan and moved a stronger cage to the LOS but Thorns opened it up and marked the ball carrier anyway with a KO on O'Neill. Another POW on a Wardancer and the cage reformed further downfield but numbers were starting to affect the play with the slow moving team unable to manouver through the mobile Elves and Lantan had to try and GFI for the TD but hit the turf. Luckily the pickup by Buds failed and there was another chance for YDK. Unfortunately with more Elves than Nurgle near the EZ and terrible movement the only hope was a pass to Lantan after he stood up in the EZ, O'Neill grabbed the ball and Thorns intercepted, in the rain, and a TZ, and Disturbing Presence. 4 turns left in the half and they passed quickly but confusingly with the AG6 Thrower Branch on an Ego Trip, moving ahead of the ball carrier and waiting for the ball while the shambling YDK players moved down and across field in a desperate attempt to get into defensive positions. Finally on T7, Thorns moved past Branch and handed off in range of the TD on T8 with a web of Wood Elves preventing any Nurgle players from getting near him. They didnít have to as Thorns had waited until he didnít have the ball before betraying his team, using Frenzy to surf Branch in the hope that the crowd would throw the ball in the direction of the TDK players or off the EZ and further away in a second attempt. The crowd did not oblige, carefully carrying Branch to the dugout and chucking the ball a short distance across the field into the open. The Nurgle coach could only watch dejectedly as Petal made an easy 2+ dodge and started to gesture rudely as he moonwalked towards an easy TD, but brightened immediately when the show-off fumbled the pickup to end the half 0-0.

The Wood Elves received in the second half with a High Kick giving them the ball near the LOS and an ST4 blitz gave them an opening to put Flower in scoring distance behind a wall of defenders. A Blitz opened a small window of opportunity for the Beast of Nurgle Thariper to dodge free with Break Tackle and get his tentacles on the ball carrier. It didnít help with the speedy elves moving to provide assists, Thorns blitzed Thariper down and Flower handed off to Elm for the TD.
Down 1-0 on both TD and Cas, You Donít Know went back to their first turn plan and lined up against the Treeman with Claw. This time it worked with Horner smashing Towering Gum to the ground, shredding his bark for a Serious Injury while his team mates gathered the ball in backfield. The Apothecary fixed the Treeman up fast and moved him back to reserves and the Wood Elves started putting pressure on, resulting in another desperation pass, this time between the Rotters O'Neill to Really Poorly to try and get over the LOS and into a new cage but once again an Interception with a -3 adjustment gave the Wood Elves the ball and this time a quick TD to go up 2-0.
Now the Tree Hugging Hippies had two TDs, two completions, two interceptions and You Donít Know had a Cas and now 3 players off the field with 2 unrecovered KOís and the early MNG giving the Wood Elves a numbers advantage. Two consecutive turns of multiple POW blocks putting Blodgers on the ground didnít help, even when Petal was KOíd they just didnít have the agility or movement to get the ball to the other end of the field for a TD and the final turn was spent mindlessly pushing elves into the mud.

Final Result TD 0-2 Cas 1-1
The number of POW blocks from You Donít Know was incredible and on several turns the 1 in 6 chance came up better than 1 in 2. The Wood Elves only made a low number of blocks, preferring to dodge away and reposition, marking new players from different angles. With nearly constant base to base contact the Nurgle team was thumping constantly but AV breaks were in single figures over the 16 turns and were equalled or beaten by the number from the Wood Elves despite the armour difference. Sometimes probability goes out the window.
- Carbrawn
June 1st, 2018
Darkness falls on Nurgle
Heinous Harm had fractionally more fans at the game, most likely to watch the Star Player Eldril Sidewinder in action.
You Donít Know won the toss and chose to receive, they thought it had paid off when the Thariper immediately Badly Hurt the lineelf Hyph Hackuup on the LOS but the failed pickup of the kick by Oltrayds and the subsequent bounce caused havoc.
Eldril sprung into action and ran over to try and Hypnotise Sprat but had forgotten to take out his contact lenses (a fact he didnít realise for a few more turns). With the TZ still in place the Dark Elves took the chance anyway, blitzed away a ball marker and Harlotte ran over, picked up the ball and dodged out and into the clear with a maze of companions around her. The Nurgle players moved in a complicated pattern to close Dark Elf escape paths and open a way for Thariper to Blitz Hacker Hemi out of the way and move into put tentacles on the ball carrier, a both down prevent the marking but Hacker was Badly Hurt. Sprat knocked Eldril to the ground but failed to do any damage. Eldril got to his feet and tried his steely gaze once more but obviously failed and a Block & Blitz combo to let Harlotte escape failed to open any gaps at all, leaving the Witch Elf in trouble from Thariper. Unfortunately Thariper was dreaming of what he would do to Harlotte and failed to take any action at all, letting his tentacle slump limply at his side. Sprat thumped Eldril to the ground again to now effect and Oltrayds blitzed the front of the web surrounding the ball carrier, putting Heidi Stroyah down but failed to do anything. Eldril got to his feet and glanced wearily at Sprat who ignored him entirely but glared at the nearby lineelf who whispered what the problem was an rolled his own eyes as Eldril sheepily took out his contacts. With a solid blitz, the Guard Blitzer Horace Hatchman moved into position to grant multiple assists for team mates to crack open the wall and Harlotte moved downfield to scoring position in a cage of Dark Elves. Once more the Nurgle players moved and pushed their opponents around and once more Thariper Blitzed downfield, getting a 3rd lineelf off the field (Henry HiFiver in 3 hits but this time only a KO. With Henry out the way a GFI finally put tentacles on Harlotte. It was unfortunate for the Beast that Eldril had fixed his previous mistake, dodged out and ran down to Hypnotise the Big Guy, letting Harlotte walk over and hand off to Hugh Hurtya in the EZ, just out of Disturbing Presence range.
The Dark Elves put a High Kick ball on the back line and Otrayds failed another action with the ball. With a slow team and a length of the field TD required, You Donít know pulled out all the stops, Oltrayds managed to cage up and GFIís, dodges and blocks and blitzes were everywhere as they attempted to get receivers into place over the next two turns while the Dark Elves marked up and slowed the cage to a crawl. Oltrayds had marked up a blitzer to allow his teammate to blitz a gap and run through but he discovered that being only 2 paces from the sideline wasnít enough when Harlotte Frenzied him into position for the Blitzer to push him into the crowd where he was stunned. Eventually Thariper was Hypnotised again, the cage fell apart and on turn 7 Harlotte was able to blitz Oltrayds to the ground, stunning him and removing the AG4 from the now mandatory passing play with all receivers close enough to score sandwiched between two Elves except Really Poorly who just had the Block lineelf Habernath Haveanap in front of him. Sprat ran downfield and 2GFIís allowed him to blitz away Habernath, letting Really Poorly do 2 GFIís to get into the EZ. Piper pushed Harlotte away and Enaboks ran back downfield, picked up the ball, moved back over the LOS and with 2 GFIís got into Short Pass range for the successful completion and TD to equalise.
On turn 8 the Dark Elves made a completion in the backend and threw the 3 LOS blocks to no effect.

Having not seen any injuries since turn 2, the crowd Threw a Rock onto the pitch, KOíing Enaboks, the Strip Ball Pestigor and despite Eldril failing to hypnotise the Warrior Sprat, an easy blitz saw the gap open and most of the Dark Elves downfield with a protected ball carrier leading to a fast TD with Thariper refusing to participate in the defense.
There was plenty of time for the equaliser except that Eldril came into his own, removing tentacles and TZs with ease and Harlotte used her Leap to jump into a cage and put down Oltrayds. An early failed action left the game open for a 3-1 lead to Heinous Harm, Harlotte got free and stood in the EZ, Horace moved in to grab the loose ball but the GFI to get into Short Pass range failed with a reroll and he hit the turf. Two rotters took the opportunity with a GFI each to Blitz Harlotte off the EZ and into the gentle hands of the crowd. Oltrayds stood up and grabbed the ball, trying a quick pass to Harkness to have the ball caged up but the catch was fumbled. Turns passed with little progress until Nimble Badly Hurt another unskilled lineman, Thariper finally got Eldril off the field with a KO and it was 11 v 8 but too late. With 2 rotters still moving back up field from surfing the Witch Elf, Enaboks still KOíd and Oltrayds carrying the ball, possible scorers were thin on the ground. It came down to desperation again, this time a markup to get a blitz to free Sunpolak who still had to dodge and GFI into the EZ, Oltrayds ran out of his cage and GFIíd to get into range for a Long Pass, it was accurate, now just an AG3 catch for the drawÖ.once more Nurgle frowned on his representatives trying to catch a ball and it was fumbled.

Final Result TD 1-2 Cas 0-3
Even though he failed more Hypnotic Gaze than he passed, Eldrilís Dodge & MA8 made a big difference on the field.
- Carbrawn
May 9th, 2018 - old news
Running the Rodents
The smell clearly kept the crowds away with the odour of rotting meat and rodents soaked by rain resulting in only 18,000 fans at the game.
You Donít Know won the toss and elected to receive so they didnít risk a T16 TD from the ridiculous speed of the Skaven. A Touchback from the kick gave them a boost so they didnít have to try and pick up the ball in the rain (or so they thought) and while everyone was watching the ref hand possession to Oltrayds the LOS exploded with action with Sprat Badly Hurting the linerat Zhashqel Wildchaser and the Beast Thariper KOíing his teammate Zhokninq Farrowchaser and marking up the Gutter Runner Znotch Cragmaul with tentacles. A quick cage formation up near the LOS and it looked like Nurgle was going to be happy.
The Rat Ogre Big Rat was nervous about being too rough and played with Kid Gloves but the rest of the Skaven werenít worried. They knew about the Mine that happened to be right under the feet of the ball carrier. Luckily Oltrayds kept his feet but one side of the cage was down and shortly afterwards a Blitz with Wrestle saw the ball in the grass and open. Skonq Deepbender bolted around the LOS and made 2 GFIs to grab the ball and run clear and into easy TD range. Znotch failed to escape the Tentacles.
Skonq was himself Blitzed to the ground by Enaboks but an unlucky bounce had the ball on the sideline and it took 2 GFIs for Oltrayds to get there and pick it up, leaving him in a precarious position having to rely on the Gutter Runners low strength to save him from being pushed off.
Znotch failed to escape the Tentacles. Skonq stood up and made the risky -2D block and double push saw Oltrayds surfed and injured by the crowd (he regenerated) and they threw the ball straight across field to the open where Cretch Crowcrest gathered it up after circling the LOS.
The ball hit the ground several times more with the Skaven losing players to KO each turn until they were down to 6 and Znotch seemed eternally trapped in tentacles. You Donít Know were running out of time and desperate so after Rotter Really Poorly caught the ball on a bounce he ran upfield and GFIíd to make a pass to the rookie Pestigor Lantan who caught it despite the rain and was close enough to score in the remaining 2 turns.
That was when Blackmail raised its ugly head and the Clawed Warrior Horner left his post marking the Skaven Thrower and blitzed Lantan, putting both of the to the ground.
Really Poorly ran downfield to give a second scorer option and Lantan stood up, picked up the ball again and moved into GFI range for a T8 TD.
Thrikch Pinegaze bolted in for a Blitz putting Lantan down once more and tried to gather the ball but failed in the wet. There was still a chance for glory, a Blitz by Enaboks resulted in a double push which didnít even get Thrikch away from the ball and Lantan was the playmaker, he moved to pick up the ball in a TZ in the rain, dodged out again and made a GFI , he only needed one more to hand off and let Really Poorly walk in for the TD but slipped in the mud.
Big Rat could see only one way his team could score but he needed to free Znotch from the Beast of Nurgle tentacles where he had been for 6 turns. He roared and charged but the Both Down resulted in the Rat Ogre Badly Hurt which the team apothecary quickly rushed in to fix.

The Skitterers recovered only 2 from 5 Kos and with an injured linerat they had only 7 to set up. It didnít seem to affect them, with players positioned out of Disturbing Presence range the gathered the ball, made a pass and ran Znotch down the widezone to stand on the sideline with Skonq and Zhokninq Farrowchaser staged between him and the rest of the field. Big Rat then blitzed down the widezone to remove a Pestigor threat and add some more protection but once again hit the turf and he was stunned.
The Rattsburgh coach was surprised when the Warrior Nimble blitzed Zhokning onto the sideline next to the ball carrier, Skonq was fenced in to force multiple dodges and then Thariper ran from the LOS, doing to GFIs to pin Znotch to the sideline, putting all 3 skaven in Tentacles. It looked like the rats were going to have 3 players surfed despite Side Step and the Skaven would have 4 v 11. Then the secret playbook came out and Znotch performed the Kingmaker Play! With improbably ease the Gutter Runner made success after success for 2 Tentacle Escapes, both with Dodges into TZs, made another TZ dodge, another dodge out, went out of his way to make a -2D Blitz to put down Enaboks in the hope of an injury and then GFIíd to cross the line for the TD. Bookies calculated the likelihood of that play at 10000 to 1.

The remainder of the half was a circus with You Donít Knowís cage forming and reforming, pivoting its corners with new players on the outskirts and slowly moving downfield. The ball movement left Big Rat behind and when he stunned himself blitzing Harkness the Rotter took offence, pulled a Hidden Blade from his boot and fouled the big guy, KOing him but was spotted by the Ref and sent off. With their Thrower taken down by O'Neill and out for the next game and a few more KOís the Skaven were at a severe numbers disadvantage but it didnít stop them. After Thariper made a critical failure and became Really Stupid Thrikch dodged and GFIíd to make a 1D blitz to put the ball carrying Oltrayds down very late in the game. There was only just enough time for Oltrayds to stand and move over the line on T16 for the equalizer.

Final Result TD 1-1 Cas 3-2
Blackmail, Mine and Kingmaker Play really saved the Skaven. With their lack of numbers, Blackmail stopped what was headed to be fairly safe TD and Kingmaker Play recovered from an apparently devastating turn.
- Carbrawn
Nov. 25th, 2017 - old news
Pre Semi Final
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final siren
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll foul you hard, and youíll be cryin

I've played a season that's full
I've even out-scored the Wood Fey
But more, much more than this
I did it Nurgles Way

Failed Go-For-Its, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And crushed the Elves without exception

I planned each charted drive
Each careful step along the ball play
And more, much more than this
I did it Nurgles Way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I Blocked Off more than I POWíed you
But through it all, when there was doubt
I chewed you up and spat you out
I took the push and I stood tall
And did it Nurgles way

I've won more than Iíve tied
I've had my fill of never losing losing
And now, as the season subsides
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say - not in a nice way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it Nurgles way

For what is a coach, what has he got
If not a trophy, then he has naught
But to hurt you when he truly means
To hear your players eternal screams
My record shocks but I made the Blocks
And did it Nurgles way

Yes, it was Nurgles way
- Carbrawn
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